How far are you?
... away from Allah?
Away from His mercy,
His truth,
The reality of His existence.
From the reality of His forgivenesssss?
Ehhnn? How far do you think you've gone? Is it really that far? 🤔🩷. Yes, we make mistakes, we commit sins we are so ashamed of, deeds we regret and some even turn it into despair, carrying the guilt of such deed into the future. Forgetting the mercy of ar-Rohmān. Forgetting that no matter how many times you've fallen, you've drank and been intoxicated by the sweetness of evil desires, you can still turn back 🔙. You can still, redirect that road back to the One true Rabb. Yes, you cann.
Sometimes, the reality of that question sits deep within the chest, hits louder than a hammer on a nail: how far have I gone? Not in miles, not in years, but in distance from Allah. You feel it in the heaviness of your sujūd, in the dryness of your du‘ā, in the way Qur’an rests on your shelf longer than it rests in your hands. The way requests from Allah slide through your lips faster than the hand of a clock, and you don't even remember what you've said. You begin to measure yourself by your absence, by the prayers you delayed, the sins you returned to, the moments you chose everything else over Him. Then gradually, a dangerous thought creeps into your head, “maybe I’ve gone too far, maybe I've gone beyond repair.”
But waittttt, ya ukht/akh (oh sister/brother), Yes, you've done things you're ashamed of, you’ve done or are still doing things you're not supposed to be doing rii? Yes, maybe I don't fully understand how sad and bad you feel inside but waittt. Open your eyes, take of that lens of despair and too much regret: You are not as bad as Shayṭān and you have not reached a point where return is impossible. You see, Shayṭān lived in the heavens with Allah, in a place nearer to His Majesty’s, he spoke directly to Him, he was honoured among the angels, and still he chose arrogance; He refused, persisted, and then justified his rebellion.
But you, on the other hand, feel the ache of what you've done, you're ashamed, you're remorseful rii? That's a proof of something good still alive within you. Shayṭān does not regret, but you do, and that difference is hope, that difference is a step, that difference is everything!
Allah says in the Holy Qur’an,
“Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful” (Surah Az-Zumar 39:53).
Did you see ittttt? Look at how He calls you: “My servants” He didn't call you the Forsaken, or the unfortunate, He still called you His servant fa. Even in your distance, He didn't back off, you might have stepped away but He, He kept His doors open!
You think your sins are too many, too repetitive, too shameful. You remember that same mistake you promised never to return to, yet here you are again. And shame begins to choke your du‘ā before it even forms sef.
But the Prophet ﷺ said:
Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, Stretches out His Hand during the night so that the people may repent for the fault committed from dawn till dusk and He stretches out His Hand during the day so that the people may repent for the fault committed from dusk to dawn. (He would accept repentance) before the sun rises in the west (before the Day of Resurrection).
(Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2759)
Do you understand what that means? Did you get the gisttt? Wow“, this means your return is always expected, Allah did not create you not to sin or fall, He knows you're gonna do that, and He expects you to. So, He expects your repentance again and again, as sincerely as it can be (With du'ās and efforts!)
Just imagine a servant standing at a door, hesitant, trembling, unsure if they are still welcome. Then the Owner of that door has been waiting all along, not to punish or shame the servant, but to forgive and accept him. That is your Lord, Allah!
In another hadith, Anas bin Malik narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
“Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. So son of Adam! If you came to me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’”
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3540)
Your sins may feel vast, but they are not greater than His mercy, at all! Sometimes the distance you feel may not even be from major sins, rather, from neglect, from postponing salah, from scrolling past reminders, from choosing dunya continuously over honest and firm worship, in ways that accumulate. It is subtle, almost unnoticed, until one day your heart feels unfamiliar to you. But even then, the path back is not complicated; it's honesty and determination.
You see, you are not required to fix everything at once; you are only required to turn back to Allah.
Allah says: “And return to your Lord and submit to Him” (Surah Az-Zumar 39:54).
Return, not perfect yourself first. Submit, not prove your worth beforehand. The journey back begins while you are still broken, still struggling, still inconsistent, but determined and sincere. The companions themselves asked the Prophet ﷺ about their changing states of īmān, about feeling high at times and low at others. He reassured them, teaching them that constancy is not the absence of fluctuation, but the persistence of return. You fall, you rise. You slip, you turn back. Again, and again, until meeting Allah.
Do not let Shayṭān trick you twice. First, he has already pulled you into sin right, then don't let him convince you that you are too far gone to return. That second lie is more dangerous than the sin itself, because a believer who sins and repents is beloved to Allah, but a believer who gives up has been deceived completely. Lemme chip in one quote i remember, can't remember who said it though 😭🌸
It goes like this;
Jannah and Jahannam are made for sinners, but Jannah is made for the (sincere and strivingly) repentant sinner whilst Jahannam is made for the unrepentantly arrogant sinner. (Subhanallāh 😭 🌸 💕)
So, how far are you? Maybe farther than you would like, maybe closer than you think. But distance in this path is not measured by how far you have wandered, but by whether you are willing to turn back. Please don't be deceived by where you stand currently, by how far you think you've gone. You are not hopeless, you're made to become better yunno. 🙂↔️🩷
‘cause in the end, you'd realize, Was it really that far (to turn back?)
(Nope.)🤍✨
May Allah bless you beyond measureee. Do take careeeee! 🌸✨